What others think

Saying yes too fast usually comes from wanting to stay liked, and from how awkward a no feels face to face. The cost shows up later, in a Saturday or an evening you never wanted to give. A no often lands softer than you fear, so one small refusal this week is an easy place to try it.

A lot of it comes down to guessing what others think of you, and most of us guess too harshly. People notice far less of what you say and do than it feels like from the inside, and they are usually kinder about it. Comparing yourself works in a similar way. Next to your friends you might feel fairly good at something, while next to the best people on your phone the same skill looks small. Neither picture is the whole one. Look back on twelve recent yeses, see where you’d rank among 150 people your age, and read why a no is so hard to say.